


I might wish I never said this at all (English)

by mist_igri



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Kid Fic, Lie, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 09:36:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17322521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mist_igri/pseuds/mist_igri
Summary: Harry meant nothing when Louis had decided to pass Lily for his sister. But, looking at him now, it’s pretty clear that the curly haired boy is already getting important in his life.





	I might wish I never said this at all (English)

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [I might wish I never said this at all (Français)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17311637) by [mist_igri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mist_igri/pseuds/mist_igri). 



> Title from Honest by Shawn Mendes

Louis is sitting on the ground, enjoying the warm August sun on his skin while Lily shrieks, patting the small bucket they filled with sand. Louis carefully lifts the container, discovering a sandpile, and opens his eyes wide.

**“Look! A castle!”**

The kid laughs loudly and pushes her shovel deep in the small mound, ruining their work. It’s only the sixth time in ten minutes. Louis smiles tenderly and begins to fill the bucket once again.

It’s his first day off in three months and he’s more than happy to be enjoying a beautiful summer day with the pretty little blonde. She loves coming to the park, even though most of the time it’s with her grandmother or her aunts. As small as it is, the playground is her queendom. She knows the module like the back of her hand and runs down the slide without any fear.

The park is still quite empty, only a few walkers venture along the trails with their dogs. The gentle warmth of the morning is not yet stifling and the song of the birds is a pleasant alternative to the incessant hubbub Louis hears every day at work.

Lily grows tired of the sandbox and suddenly gets up, stumbling slightly over the edge. Louis catches her, kisses the top of her head and sets her down on the ground, dusting her leggings that are covered in tiny grains.

**“You wanna ride the slide?”** he asks the kid.

She answers with a huge smile and a little cry before running toward the stairs. And Louis feels good. Just good. For once.

Half an hour later, other children are beginning to crowd the place. Lily is eating applesauce on Louis’ lap when a little boy comes up, shouting her name.

**“Lucas, come back here!”** a young man who accompanies him yells. **“Oh, hi Lily!”** he smiles when he sees the girl.

“ **Awiiiiii!”** she exclaims enthusiastically, squirming to get off Louis’ knees.

She runs to the newcomer, hugging his legs with a burst of laughter, before turning to the boy and leaving with him, abandoning Louis and her applesauce without a glance back.

**“Hi there. I’m Harry, Lucas’ babysitter,”** the curly-haired man introduces himself, pointing a finger towards the little boy playing with Lily.

Louis is speechless. He eyes Harry for a minute, noticing that he can't be much older than fifteen or sixteen. Just a teenager. He blinks then, realising that Harry is obviously waiting for some kind of reaction. A sign, a smile, a name… anything.

**“Sorry, I… Louis,”** he says, holding his hand out.

Harry shakes his hand, laughing softly, and sits on the bench beside Louis.

**“Excuse me but…”** Louis says, **“how do you know Lily?”**

**“Lucas and she are in the same school.”**

**“He is so tall...”**

**“He’s four and a half. His little sister, Amanda, is in Lily’s class. But she’s not with us today,”** Harry explains.

Louis nods. Lottie did tell him about an Amanda. The two girls seem to be pretty inseparable, be it in class or at daycare.

His thoughts are interrupted by Harry shouting something to the kids, making sure that Lucas stays gentle with the little girl.

**“They love each other and Lucas should be used to it with his sister, but he’s still a bit rough,”** Harry apologizes when he sees that the boy accidentally knocked Lily off her feet.

**“They’re just kids, it’s normal,”** Louis reasons, refraining himself from running to the young blonde.

Lucas returns to her, helps her get up and offers her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Lily smiles and goes back to the game like nothing happened. Louis is completely fond and does not notice Harry’s eyes on him.

They talk a bit about everything and nothing. Louis learns that Harry is actually seventeen, only two years younger than him, and that he's been taking care of Lucas and Amanda for about four months. That during the school year he picks them up after school and stays with them until about 6:30 pm, but that since it's the holidays he babysits them three days a week. And that he's saving money to buy a car for his next birthday.

Louis also observes Harry a lot. He finds out that the curly-haired boy has stars in his eyes when he talks about his little protégés and that dimples appear on his cheeks when he smiles wide. That he loves to touch his lips, but it must be some sort of nervous tic. And Louis can't help but think that he'd really like to kiss those lips.

He’s hit with the thought and shakes his head to try and get a grip. He vaguely talks about his job at Burger King but he can’t dwell on it because a few girls arrive.

**"Hi, Harry!"** the first one says, coming closer.

The curly-haired boy answers nicely, also greeting the two other teenagers, and they engage in a futile conversation. Listening to them, Louis understands that they are part of the same class.

The girls are hitting on Harry and the boy is charming without even being aware of it. Louis laughs softly, looking at the children on the playground until one of the girls takes a closer look at him.

**“You are here with kids as well?”** she asks.

**“With Lily,”** Louis says, pointing at the blonde.

The students turn around and squeal while watching the little girl.

**“Ooooh, she’s just adorable !”** one of them coos. **“How long have you been caring for her?”**

**“Well, her whole life, really,”** Louis laughs.

**“You’ve been her babysitter since she was born?”** Harry wonders aloud.

**“No,”** Louis replies, shaking his head. **“I’m not her babysitter, I…”**

**“She’s your little sister!”** one of the girls cries. **“So cute!”**

And Louis is ready to contradict her, he really is. But then he looks at Harry and…

 

_____

 

**“You what?!”**

**“I know Liam, this is bullshit. But… I did not lie? I just… I did not correct,”** Louis tries to justify himself with a shrug.

**“She’s your daughter, Lou! How can you let him believe she’s your sister?”**

**“I panicked, ok? The girl said that and Harry’s eyes were like… shining. What did you want me to say?”**

Liam stands in front of him, looking completely stunned.

**“It’s my daughter. It was that simple!”**

**“You don’t get it,”** Louis whispers, shaking his head.

**“No, you’re right, I don’t. I don’t understand how you could do that.”**

**“Oh, it’s fine. I barely know him anyway, it won’t change his life.”**

**“Who are you… Damn, Louis! I’m not talking about the guy here! I’m talking about Lily! You lied about your own daughter!”**

And Louis has the decency to look a little sheepish. Or a lot.

 

_____

 

When Louis and Harry cross paths again the next day at the park, it's pure luck, even if Louis had desperately hoped to see him again all night. The next two times though, it's because they planned to take the kids there at the same time. Louis wouldn't go so far as to say that those meetings are dates but… They pretty much are, or they feel like it at least.

It had been so long since he felt like that. Attracted. Attractive, too.

So, three times in a row, they meet for one hour and they flirt. They talk about everything and nothing, joke around, compliment each other… And every time, Louis really means to set the record straight. But every time, he feels a little closer to Harry, a little more attracted to him. And every time, when he’s lost in Harry’s green eyes, he changes his mind. Because it’s so much easier to be a big brother at his age. And it’s so much better to have a normal life in Harry’s eyes.

**“You have plans this weekend?”** Harry asks.

**“Not really. Those are my last days off, I’ll probably sleep as much as I can. And then I have to take care of Lily.”**

**“Are your parents working?”** Harry wonders.

Louis feels his lie weigh a little heavier on his stomach. He swallows hard and tries to stay as close to reality as he can.

**“My… Our mom is a nurse. She works a lot so, yeah, on weekends we often take care of each other with my sisters.”**

**“Oh, okay. It’s nice. That you lot are so close.”**

**“Yeah, it is. We’re lucky.”**

Harry cracks his fingers and blushes slightly when he talks next, but he dares to look at Louis directly in the eyes. The mixture between shyness and confidence is quite astonishing and Louis feels hot all over.

**“Do you think you could take two hours of your time to come to the movies? With me?”**

 

_____

 

Louis looks at his reflection in the window of a car parked along the road. He checks his hair one last time, making sure his quiff is perfect before joining Harry in front of the small theater.

When they enter the building, they stand so close that their hands are touching, but neither of them seems ready to take the first step. There is not much choice and Louis is more than happy to leave it to Harry, even if they end up watching the latest rom-com.

They buy popcorn, then settle in the middle of the small room, where they talk quietly for a while. Then, they spend fifteen minutes laughing and reviewing the adverts for the movies to come.

Louis is not really interested in the movie, but it’s a nice distraction. He barely pays attention to the story because his eyes are constantly drawn to Harry’s hand, palm open on the armrest between them. Harry doesn’t move, nor does he turn his gaze to Louis. But his hand stays there and it’s pretty clear he’s waiting for Louis to do something about it.

It takes more than half the movie but eventually, Louis gathers the courage to link their fingers. Harry still won't look at him, but his lips stretch in a smile. There's a slight pressure on his hand but his heart is beating so hard in his chest that Louis can't be sure of anything.

When the credits roll on the screen, both boys remain seated. Their hands are still clasped together and Louis is afraid that his palm might be getting clammy. He feels Harry's eyes burning a hole on the side of his head, but he stays focused on the screen. He is the eldest and he should have more confidence, but his lie is crushing his guts.

**“Lou,”** Harry whispers. **“Look at me.”**

Louis swallows and closes his eyes for a few seconds. When he opens them again, he’s looking directly at Harry’s green ones. Harry is perfectly composed and Louis tries to copy his breathing.

Harry puts his other hand on Louis’ cheek and Louis closes his eyes again. He feels Harry’s hot breath on his skin, but nothing else comes. And Louis can’t hold it anymore. To hell with all the rest, he moves forward and rapidly meets Harry’s lips, who’s more than happy to return the kiss.

 

_____

 

**“Twenty-three!”** Louis shouts to the small crowd in front of the counter.

He likes to manage the orders that were placed at the terminals. Admittedly, there is not much human interaction and he's always running around. But that may be why he likes it so much: it's a well-oiled organization, he hardly looks up from the receipts and his movements to fill the trays come naturally.

Still, he always makes sure to look at each customer that comes to him, if only to give the tray without spilling everything over. That’s how he finds himself face to face with Harry. He’s stunned for a moment.

**“What are you doing here?”**

**“Surprise?”** Harry exclaims, raising his hands.

**“I… Harry, I’m busy right now. I’m sorry but…”**

**“No, no! Not a problem. I’m just going to sit over there,”** he says, pointing to a table in a corner, **“and watch you work. I’m more than okay with that, looking at you from a distance.”**

Louis bites his lower lip, softened. He glances at his watch, then at the kitchens behind him. He grabs two burgers and turns to Harry, speaking softly. **“I can take a break in half an hour. If you can wait until then.”**

Harry answers with a smile and finally takes his tray. After that, Louis is trying to focus on his work, but he's glad that his actions are automatic because part of his mind is set on the teenager sitting a few meters away.

They haven’t seen each other since their movie night the previous weekend and Louis’ feelings are all over the place. Surprise, excitement, joy… but also apprehension and fear.

Harry meant nothing when Louis had decided to pass Lily for his sister. But, looking at him now, it's pretty clear that the curly-haired boy is already getting important in his life. And Louis doesn't want to play him because the little spark between them could lead to something bigger and really beautiful.

 

_____

 

The following weeks go by, dotted with dates. They see each other quite erratically, between work and classes that have resumed. When Louis is free in the mornings, Harry's at school. And when he's available at night, Louis is at work or with Lily.

They manage, though, and make time when they can. On a break or at night when Liam is too happy to be with his goddaughter to sass Louis about it. They compensate by sending texts back and forth all day long.

It's another reason why Louis can't find it in himself to tell Harry the truth: their shared moments are so rare. They are precious, like bubbles out of time, quiet moments in his chaotic life. They are a breath of fresh air that he's just not ready to give up.

Yet, reality is still there. Always there.

 

_____

 

They are chilling on a café terrace, enjoying a break in the sun. Harry is toying with Louis’ fingers and when he speaks, Louis has to make a real effort not to spit the sip he just drank.

**“Lou… Why don’t we go to your place?”**

Louis coughs after swallowing. Harry rubs a hand on his back, looking slightly worried.

**“How… I… It’s not…”** Louis mutters.

**“If you don’t want to you can just say it. It’s just… Well, at home there are my parents and, I was just thinking, since you’ve got a flat, we could take advantage of it. Spend a bit of time just the two of us. Like… You know,”** Harry tries to explain, blushing slightly.

Louis is silent. Yes, he knows. The mere idea of being with Harry intimately lights a fire low in his stomach. But he can’t take him home, at his place. Because everything in the flat shows that a child lives there. And it’s certainly not the best way for Harry to find out what Louis has been hiding from him. He thinks about it, desperately trying to find some kind of valid excuse, but Harry sighs.

**“It doesn’t matter, forget it.”**

Louis panics and answers the first thing that comes to his mind. He regrets it as soon as the words leave his mouth.

**“No, No Harry, it’s not… We can go! Next week, I work the early shift. We can go see a movie and then head to my place to finish the night.”**

Harry looks at him for a moment, suspicious. Then his face breaks in a wide smile and Louis thinks that maybe it is not that bad after all.

 

_____

 

The flat is really small, even more so when you deliberately hide one room. Louis locked all of Lily’s things in the bedroom.

They had a lovely evening so far, but Louis is now clearly nervous. Harry tries to cheer him up with a few kisses, stroking his arms with gentle fingers, but he can tell it’s not working.

Louis breaks the kiss and steps back, trying to gather both his thoughts and his courage.

**“Harry, I need to talk to you about something.”**

**“Should I be scared?”** Harry jokes, raising an eyebrow.

**“No!”** Louis shouts. **“It’s not that kind of talk. Well, uh…”**

**“Go on Lou,”** Harry urges on, keeping the distance between them.

Louis inhales deeply. He figures starting with something positive can’t hurt.

**“I like you. I like you a lot,”** he whispers, looking at the ground.

**“Me too, Lou,”** Harry answers, resting his hand on Louis' hip to draw him against his torso because he is just unable to resist his boyfriend when he's that adorable. **“Me too.”**

He connects their lips and Louis melts in his hold. His resolutions too, because what started as a light kiss is rapidly turning heated.

**“Harry…”** Louis moans, throwing his head back.

He buries his fingers in Harry’s curls, pulling on a few strands to bring him back to him. Their kiss is feverish, rough.

Harry's hands wander all over Louis' body. They go down his sides and slide to his bum. Once again, Harry guides his lips to Louis' neck, which he kisses and bites slightly.

Louis is kinda lost in the sensations.

**“Wait, wait… We really have to-”**

He tries to lift Harry’s face again, but the younger boy seems to be losing his patience.

**“Don’t you want to?”**

**“Damn it…”** Louis says, his eyes widening. He grabs Harry’s neck and draws him in for a desperate kiss. He rests his forehead against Harry’s and whispers **“Of course I want to. Believe me, there is nothing I want more right now…”**

Harry pushes him on the couch. His eyes are dark when he climbs on top of Louis.

**“Then the rest will wait,”** he says in a low voice.

Later, Louis will be glad that the teenager didn’t have the patience to ask about the bedroom.

 

_____

 

Louis and Harry are walking around with the kids. They talk while keeping an eye on the little ones running a few feet further on the way until Lily stumbles and falls heavily on the ground. Louis rushes on her as she begins to scream.

**“Daddy!”** she cries, reaching out for Louis.

He holds her in his arms and hides her head in the hollow his neck. She whines softly and Louis tries to comfort her. He sits on a low wall nearby and inspects her scraped knee when Harry joins them with a benevolent smile.

Not five minutes later, Lily is back in the game with Lucas and Amanda, distress long forgotten and Harry turns to Louis, frowning.

**“She calls you daddy?”**

**“Er... She… You know, she’s still learning. It’s not always quite clear,”** Louis tries to reason.

Harry nods, his lower lip between his fingers. There’s a wrinkle on his forehead and he seems genuinely concerned. **“You should correct her,”** he says absentmindedly.

Louis is speechless, but Harry doesn't add anything and goes after the kids. Louis has no choice but to follow him.

 

_____

 

**“I just…. I can’t manage to tell him. I mean to but there is always a good reason not to do it and-”**

**“That’s not true Louis. They are not good reasons, they are excuses that you are happy to consider as such,”** Liam chastises him.

Louis is nervously peeling the label off his bottle, unable to answer that. But his friend knows him well and he keeps going.

**“It’s gonna end badly, Lou. I can see that you care about him and you just can’t lie forever. You have to tell him. Now. Because the longer you wait, the harder it will get.”**

Louis hides his face in his hands and sighs deeply.

**“I know.”**

 

_____

 

**“Hi!”** Louis sing-songs when he arrives at the park.

He gets close to Harry, leaning to kiss his lips, but the curly-haired boy moves away and Louis lets out an indignant cry. That's when he notices the dark look on Harry's face.

He lights up, however, when Lily climbs on his lap. He hugs the little girl, but as soon as she’s gone to join Lucas and Amanda on the playground, Harry’s sulking again.

**“What’s up?”** Louis asks, clearly lost.

**“Not now Louis,”** Harry says harshly, pointing to the kids. **“We’ll talk later.”**

**“About what? Did I miss something? Did I do something?”**

Harry levels him with a cold stare. **“Take a guess.”**

He gets up then and goes to lean on the barrier. Louis does not dare to join him at first, aware of the fact that he seems to be the problem here. He thinks for a moment, the unease growing in his guts until he realises with horror what Harry must be referring to.

His stomach’s in knots and he breaks in a cold sweat. He gets up but stays put. His legs are trembling and he does not trust himself to walk without falling.

He takes a few deep breaths and walks to the barrier, standing right beside Harry and watching his profile.

**“Not now Louis,”** Harry says through gritted teeth.

Harry won’t look at him and Louis understands that he’s hurt, more than anything. That’s why he insists, putting his hand on Harry’s forearm. But the teenager shakes him off harshly.

**“Not now, Louis!”** he shouts, drawing the attention of the passersby. He turns around and calls for Lucas and Amanda.

Harry doesn’t want to do that in front of the kids and Louis gets it, but he just can’t let him leave like that. And so he keeps pushing until Harry breaks.

**“I saw your sister,”** he says. **“The big one. The real one.”** He sneers, shaking his head in disbelief. He looks directly at Louis with piercing eyes then. “ **She didn’t know.”**

Louis had already understood what that was all about, but the realization hits him nonetheless.

**“Wait, Harry! It’s not what you think,”** Louis begs, grabbing his wrist.

Harry sets himself free and when he turns around, Louis can see the rage written on his face.

**“It’s not what I think? She’s not your daughter?”** he exclaims, pointing at Lily.

**“Haz, it’s not… I can explain, please.”**

**“And what’s that gonna change, uh? Do you think I’m too stupid to understand?”**

Louis is crying now. He keeps whispering “no” and shaking his head, hands on his eyes.

**“You lied to me!”** Harry says, angry. **“You’ve been lying for weeks!”**

**“It’s not what you think,”** Louis repeats sadly.

**“And if you could lie about something that important…”** Harry cuts himself and lowers his gaze on the floor, overwhelmed.

**“Everything else is true!”** Louis exclaims, his head shooting up. **“It’s just a detail, everything else is true, everything I said, my feelings… Everything!”**

Louis sees the doubt in Harry's eyes. The curly-haired boy is hurting, fragile. But he can't add anything because the three kids come up to them. Lucas and Amanda head straight for their babysitter and Lily runs for her father when she sees him crying. She clings to his legs, calling for him.

**“Daddy…”**

Louis puts a hand on her head, then crouches to hold her in his arms. When he looks up again, Harry is gone.

 

 

*

 

 

Harry is sprawled out on Niall's couch, a beer in his hand, looking all dark and gloomy. Niall listened to the whole story like the best friend he is and Harry is grateful for it, but he's still completely lost. His phone buzzes quite regularly between the cushions but he refuses to read any of Louis' texts.

**“You know Haz, you’re my best friend and I’ll always be on your side. Just say the word and we forget all about Louis. Like he never even existed,”** Niall says. **“But I think that’d be a huge mistake.”**

Harry’s head jerks up. **“You’re on his side now?”** he exclaims, annoyed.

**“I literally just said that I’m on yours,”** Niall replies. **“But… I think I get it, why he did it.”**

**“You what?”** Harry asks, eyes wide.

Niall sighs and sits next to his friend, elbows on his knees. **“Did you try to put yourself in his shoes?”**

Harry stays quiet, giving Niall a jaded look. Niall sighs again and rolls his eyes as discreetly as he can.

**“I’ve seen that,”** Harry smiles.

Niall sticks his tongue out at him and bursts out laughing, but soon enough he’s serious again.

**“No but, really. What if you were to become a single father overnight, at your age? You wouldn’t want to shout it from the rooftops.”**

**“I didn’t ask for him to shout it from the rooftops,”** Harry cries out. **“But damn it, I’m not just anyone!”**

**“Today,”** Niall interrupts. **“Today, you’re not just anyone. But on that first day, you were just a guy in a park.”**

**“It’s been weeks, Niall,”** Harry says, shaking his head. **“Don’t tell me he didn’t have a chance to set things straight.”**

Niall raises his hands to calm things down. **“All I’m saying is that it was probably not a big deal at first and that at some point, it got out of hand.”**

When Harry doesn’t answer, Niall smiles softly and gets up, rubbing his hands.

**“I’ll let you think about it. You know where to find me if you need me.”** He heads to the door but stops right next to Harry and puts a hand on his shoulder. **“You know he cares about you. And you care about him, it wouldn’t hurt that much otherwise. But both of you hurting for nothing? That’d be bullshit.”**

 

_____

 

The next day, Harry is at the park with Lucas and Amanda. When he sees Lily coming, he panics for a moment. He’s not ready to face Louis yet. He’s angry, he’s sad but overall he’s disappointed. So, when he turns his head and sees no sign of Louis, he can’t help but sigh in relief.

Lily goes straight to her friends and Harry looks at her with a mixture of sadness and adoration. Until someone comes to sit next to him.

**“Hi.”**

He turns to the newcomer, a young man with a friendly face and a warm, although tensed smile.

**“I’m Liam, Lily’s godfather.”**

Harry shakes his hand, barely registering what’s happening.

**“I’m also one of Louis’ friends.”**

**“I figured,”** Harry snorts. He doesn’t mean to come out rude, but he can’t help his slightly sharp tone.

Liam winces sympathetically but doesn’t comment. They keep quiet for a while, sitting together and watching the kids play. Harry thinks that they are lucky. He’d love to be as carefree and innocent as them. He’s not even of age yet but his life already feels like a big joke.

**“You know, he wasn’t thinking badly,”** Liam finally says after several minutes of silence, still looking straight ahead.

**“He wasn’t thinking at all,”** Harry answers without thinking.

They exchange a look and suddenly burst out laughing. It only lasts for a few seconds and it's not even funny, but it's enough for the atmosphere to be more breathable.

**“Give him a chance, please. I know he lied to you, but he didn’t do it to hurt you. His life ain’t easy, you know.”**

Harry feels anger rising in his chest again, just like it did with Niall the day before.

**“Nobody’s life is easy. Yet, not everybody lies about it. I don’t understand why he did.”**

**“At first, I didn’t understand either. But then…”** Liam starts, turning to face Harry. **“I can imagine where he comes from. Not that I agree with him,”** he quickly adds before Harry can react, **"but when I look at it from his point of view, it kinda makes sense, I guess."**

**“And that’s enough for you?”**

Liam shrugs. **“He’s my friend. I trust him. Plus, we all make mistakes.”**

Harry stays silent for long seconds. He focuses on Lucas, Amanda and Lily.

**“I just wish he’d trust me, let me help…”**

**“He did in the past and it ended pretty badly. Now he’s a single father and it’s not easy. You’re the best thing that happened to him since Lily. It had been a long time since he’d shown interest in anything other than her. And I really don’t wanna see him go back to that dark place. So, please…”**

 

_____

 

Harry has been sitting at a table at Burger King for more than two hours. He knows that Louis has seen him and that it’s the reason he hasn’t taken his first break yet. But Harry waits patiently and, when he notices that Louis hasn’t been behind the counter in several minutes, he gets up and heads for the alley at the back of the building. That’s where he finds Louis, cigarette in hand.

**“You shouldn’t smoke. It’s not a good example for Lily. And it’s dangerous for her.”** He lets a few seconds pass then adds, lower. **“It’s dangerous for you.”**

Louis laughs sadly and does not let go of the cigarette. But he doesn’t bring it up to his mouth, turning it between his fingers instead.

**“Why didn’t you tell me before?”** Harry asks, his voice broken.

**“I was ashamed.”**

**“Ashamed of your daughter?”**

**“What? No!”** Louis exclaims, clearly hurt. **“How could you even say that?”**

Harry stares at him, eyebrow raised as if to say ‘are you really asking me?’ Louis shakes his head and shoots in a can that’s lying on the ground.

**“Ashamed of what then, Louis? Explain it to me!”** Harry’s voice is more distressed than biting.

**“Damn it, Harry. I’m nineteen!”** Louis yells, finally throwing out his cigarette with anger. **"I'm nineteen and I've got a three-year-old daughter. I had to quit school, I didn't even pass my A-Levels. I work in a fast-food restaurant, I have no qualifications whatsoever…"**

He takes a few steps back and leans his back on the wall.

**“I’m nineteen and I’ve got a beautiful little girl who deserves so much more than a father like me,”** he says again, his voice lowering, head in his hands.

**“Louis…”**

**“And you too, Harry,”** Louis cuts him off, looking up. His eyes are filled with tears that threaten to roll down anytime. **“You deserve better than that. That’s what I’m ashamed of. Myself.”**

All of Harry’s anger evaporates with those words. He can’t stand the sight of Louis being completely vulnerable in front of him.

**“No.”**

The word echoes in the night, clear and strong.

**“No, Louis. I won’t let you say that.”**

Harry's face is hard but contorted with sadness.

**“You are nineteen and you have a wonderful little girl who adores you. You work a full-time job so that she gets everything she needs. You make sure that there is always someone to take care of her. You give her all the love and the time you have. You’d do anything for her.”**

As he speaks, Harry slowly gets closer to Louis, who’s now painfully crying. He puts his hands on Louis’ cheeks and vainly tries to wipe his tears.

**“Don’t put yourself down like that, because you are her hero. To her, you are the single most important person in the world.”**

Louis puts his hands on Harry's, which are still on his face. He grabs his fingers and squeezes as if trying to keep him from going away.

**“I’m so sorry, Harry,”** he sobs. **“I’m so, so sorry.”**

He keeps apologizing, slowly sinking to the ground. Harry follows him and they both end up on their knees.

Harry removes his hands and Louis hides his face, his breathing getting heavy. Harry wraps him in his arms and hugs him, so tight it must hurt.

**“You are so strong, Lou.”**

Louis desperately clings to Harry's sweater and the muffled sounds that escape his lips are heartbreaking. Harry holds him for several minutes until his sobs stop.

**“I’m sorry,”** Louis repeats in a low, raspy voice. He looks up then, biting his lower lip, looking lost. **“What now?”**

Harry shrugs. **“Now you go back to work and I go pick up Lucas and Amanda.”**

Louis nods, sniffing and lowering his gaze again. But Harry puts two fingers under his chin and lifts his face.

**“Then, you tell me.”**

Louis, lips trembling and eyes still wet, can’t get a single word out. So Harry keeps going, gentle.

**“Show me who you really are, Louis Tomlinson.”**

 

_____

 

From Louis - 9.43am

_[Come at my place tonight?]_

 

The door opens on Lily, perched on her tiptoes to reach the handle. When she sees Harry, she screams excitedly and immediately clings to his legs, as she usually does. Harry laughs heartily, happy to see the little girl.

When he looks up, he glances around. The apartment is still the same, but not as tidy. A few toys are littered on the ground and drawings are scattered on the table. The door that was kept close the first time is now wide open.

Louis looks at them from the kitchen area. The two boys greet each other shyly and when Lily takes Harry's hand to pull him to the back of the room, Louis says that they have ten minutes till dinner.

Harry admires the little girl’s bedroom with stars in his eyes. Like the whole apartment, it’s quite small, but it’s perfectly decorated with bright colors and shelves covered in books and stuffed animals.

Lily leads Harry towards a huge bean bag and hits the surface until harry finally sits. She climbs on his lap with a book then and leans against the teenager's chest. That's how Louis finds them a few moments later.

**“Dinner’s ready, whenever you want.”**

When she sees him, Lily gets off Harry’s knees and runs to her father. He lifts her easily and plants a kiss on her forehead before making his way to the table.

Lily takes all of the attention and both boys are more than happy to oblige. The meal and the bath happen in a pleasant atmosphere, full of laughter and happiness.

Harry notices that Louis focuses on his daughter much more than necessary, but he doesn't comment on it. He doesn't know how to act around Louis either. The looks they exchange are embarrassed and their conversation is minimal.

When Lily is tucked in bed, Louis carefully closes the bedroom door and leans on it, sighing deeply. He can’t hide in his apartment though, and he knows that Harry’s gaze is on him already. He walks toward him and stops near the couch, wringing his fingers.

**“You want something to drink?”**

**“No, thanks,”** Harry answers, vainly trying to meet Louis’ eyes.

Louis is still lost and his eyes sweep the room, never stopping on Harry. The latter tries to start a new conversation on the topic that seems the most accurate, but also the most delicate: Lily.

**“Her bedroom’s really nice,”** he says, pointing the door.

**“Thanks.”**

**“Where do you sleep?”** he asks, frowning.

**“Here,** ” Louis answers, clasping a hand on the armrest of the couch. **“It’s a sofa bed.”**

**“When I said you’d do anything for your daughter…”** Harry notices with a sad smile.

Louis sighs and sits on the couch. **“Look, Harry… I have no excuse for what I did. It was horrible, to you and to Lily. I’m sorry.”**

**“You know, worst part is... I kinda knew you were hiding something from me. Some details weren’t adding up and I was waiting for you to say something. But I think that, eventually, I got scared of the answer and I started to avoid the subject, too.”**

The following silence is tense. Louis’s gaze is on his hands, unwavering, and his breathing picks up too much for Harry’s liking.

**“On second thought, some tea would be nice,”** Harry says, giving Louis the perfect opportunity to take some space and get a breather.

Louis nods and goes to the kitchen, fixing two cups of tea. Harry gives him a few minutes before he joins him. Louis offers him a steaming mug and leans with his back to the counter, blowing on his own cup.

**“Why did you call me, Louis?”** Harry asks, voice soft but assured.

**“To apologize,”** he whispers.

**“You’d done that already,”** Harry replies, setting his mug on the table. He takes a few steps forward and asks again, right in front of Louis. **“Why did you call me?”**

Louis still won't look at him and his fingers start shaking around his mug. Harry takes it, puts it on the counter and places his hands on both sides of Louis' hips. He gets closer, leaving only inches between their faces.

**“Why?”** he asks again, his voice low and husky, as dangerous as it is encouraging.

**“Because you asked me to show you!”** Louis exclaims, briefly looking at him. **“You wanted to know who I really am. Well, that’s it,”** he says, shrugging. **“I am a nineteen-year-old single father who lives with his wonderful daughter in a tiny apartment. I’m just a guy who does what he can, who makes up stories for the sake of his daughter, for his sake too because sometimes life’s just too hard to bear with.”**

He stops for a minute to catch his breath. Harry silently stares at him and there’s a glimmer in his eyes that Louis doesn’t know what to think about.

**“But I’m still the same,”** he adds sincerely. **“This little girl, I love her the same. And you t-”**

He can’t finish his sentence because Harry’s lips crash on his. He needs a second to react, then closes his eyes and tangles his fingers in Harry’s curls.

Louis sighs when, after only a few seconds, they break apart. He opens his eyes when he feels Harry’s fingertips on his cheek. Their eyes finally meet and Louis feels like he is breathing properly for the first time since the beginning of the night.

**“Does this mean that you forgive me?”** he asks in a small voice.

Harry gives him a reassuring smile that is answer enough and tenderly strokes his cheekbone.

**“I’m not the one whose forgiveness you need. You have to forgive yourself, Louis. And I’ll be here to help,”** he whispers before leaning in to connect their lips.


End file.
